Top 5/Worst 5: Superheroes

Evan Sasiela ‘14

Co-Editor in Chief

Top 5 Superheroes

1)      Superman – This is a no-brainer. Superman can do anything. He can fly, has super strength (check out those pecs ladies), top-notch x-ray and heat vision, and speed faster than Tyler Hendricks. He is bulletproof (to go along with those pecs), super hearing, and gives you the chills with his icy cold breath. He obviously is a catch with the chicks, as he is dating Wonder Woman, and he is a force. Lex Luthor bows down to the king of DC. He is the staple of Amercian superhero culture.

2)      Batman – If Superman wasn’t a force, you already know that Batman would be the ace of the list. He represents the common hero, he has no superpowers but he is a master of martial arts and has an arsenal of weapons and gadgets. He is the master of intimidation and a boss detective. He is also handsome, since he has been played by Adam West, Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, George Clooney, Christian Bale, and soon Ben Affleck. The leader of Gotham City kills in the comics and in the theaters.

3)      Spiderman – We all love Peter Parker. He was bitten by a spider and turned into a freak of nature destined to save all. It was Spiderman who made us grab the silly string and spray out of our index finger while making the love sign. It was Spiderman who made us climb up the monkey bars while falling off while we were kids. The Spiderman movies were a critical success, as they starred Tobey Macguire and Andrew Garfield, and he even has his own Broadway musical, Spiderman: Turn off the Dark, with music from the great band U2. Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus, and Venom have nothing on our red and blue friend.

4)      Wolverine – It’s hard to hate Wolverine (unless you are a State fan). The mutant member of the X-men can regenerate his cells to heal any wound. He has adamantium bounded to his skeleton and has sick long claws. He is an animal (literally), and he must be a boss since they asked Hugh Jackman to play him. Wolverine is a fantastic four in my book.

5)      Iron Man – Iron Man is a fantastic addition to round out the fab five. He was spawned from a millionaire held in captivity who creates an amazing red suit of armor to save himself and free him to help save the world. Tony Stark is a combination of brains and powers, and his iron protects him from battle. He is a member of the Avengers and was portrayed by Robert Downey Jr. So in the words of the great Black Sabbath song, “Iron Man lives again!”

Worst 5 Superheroes

1)      Aquaman – Aquaman is a joke. The only thing water can stop is a fire. I doubt that talking to fish can save somebody, unless you love being eaten by sharks. Aquaman did not deserve to be a superhero.

2)      The Flash – Flash can run. So can Usain Bolt. Usain Bolt has brought more happiness to the people of Jamaica than Flash has brought to any of the people he has saved. If I wanted to see something with quick reflexes I’ll go see some dumb cat video.

3)      Wonder Twins – They are two twins dressed in purple who can morph into different things. I find it hard to believe that it is a super power. Some might think it is cool but I could care less about them. I enjoy the Olsen twins more than the Wonder twins.

4)      Wonder Woman –She is often seen as second in command to Superman within the Justice League. I have no problems with Wonder Woman but she cannot do what Superman does. At amusement parks, there are Superman roller coasters but no Wonder Woman. We can only “wonder” what Wonder Woman would have been if she were independent.

5)      Red Bee – No one knows who this man is, but his power is to attack heroes with bees. If I wanted to be tortured by a bee, I’ll go to Washington and watch the Scripps. If there is something in this world to kill you power then you are not a good superhero. Sorry Red Bee, maybe someday you’ll save the world when there is a pollen crisis.